Saturday, August 4, 2012

Looking Behind the Anger

Dear Soul,

I have been very angry the past few days. I have been sitting here trying to figure out just what the underlying problem is.

Start with the current scandal that has my attention.

 I was not angry at Mr. Cathy for going public and calling out the Gay community. Yes I believe he did, he said the world was twisted then brought up marriage knowing what a can a worms that would be after all it is a hot topic right now. He was playing it and He has earned handsomely from it.

I was not angry at the Gay community for responding. The response was expected.

I became angry when the army of Christians verbally started abusing the Gay community.

This tells me I still have issues to deal with from being brought up in churches that scared me terribly and the nightmares it brought and mixed in with that is what I learned in school.  Being young I could see the wrong but could not make sense of why it was wrong.

I was taught that all sins are equal and any one of them can land you in Hell. I see that may be a belief I have that causes me to jump into conversations (thinking they need an ally) where I see people doing things I was told were sins, condemning other people for their supposed sin.  As if their sin was not as bad as the other person.

I was taught that God was ‘Perfect’. Yet he often displayed characteristics that I would get a spanking for, showing me his imperfections.

I was taught that unconditional love had conditions. Yes that is one to keep me spinning.

Everything he did was perfect. Yet he failed at making us and so for our imperfection he blames us instead of his faultiness, this was a real big one that just never set well.

I have been led to believe we are inferior and our thoughts are sinful, our bodies are frail.

I often viewed God and Satan sitting down by a fire, best friends playing chess and we were the game pieces. I would view God throwing a sore loser tantrum every time Satan would take one of his pieces and God then grabbing it and throwing it into the fire, punishing the game piece for his imperfections.

I remember being nine or ten and repeatedly standing on the edge of cliffs trying to determine my chances of accidentally surviving the jump. Life was horrid hell and I wanted out. From church I believed God to be horrid and life in a fire that Satan kept watch on was as well. I soon talked myself out of suicide because I saw there was no relief to be found in death.  Damned if you do and Damned if you don’t. If I went to hell I would burn forever. If I went to heaven because I was still a child I would have to go along with horrible things and if I was found out not to believe in such evils I would be sent to hell. Ah the Baptist life. I decided that although life was awful I could find places to hide and get some rest. The alternatives were not so kind. So I chose Life.

Thankfully science has stepped up and proved beyond a shadow of a doubt to me that our bodies are indeed most fascinating and powerful. Our thoughts create our world. That God is everything and there is no devil. Just our own judgments and punishments we inflict on ourselves.

I have learned that I am inferior to no one and no one is inferior to me. We are equal. The Life paths of one are none of the business of any other, other than to have a mirror for their own lessons.

The waking up process is challenging. If forces oneself to look and question their beliefs and where they came from. And Yes I see Hate is learned. I have looked back at prejudices I held in the past and looked to see if that was something I believed to really be true and where did I get such Ideas. I see I picked them up from parents, siblings, friends, teachers, church basically anyone I looked to trying to understand life and my place in it.

I have spent most of my life trying to please others regardless of what I really thought and each time they would turn on me. So lesson here is to be true to me. Not to the status quo.


As a young child my older siblings loved to teach me to read and spell. I could read the newspaper at the age of 4. No real big feat this was the games I was taught to play, games that I would find out are not accepted everywhere. My sister would play records over and over again at bedtime teaching me the lyrics to songs then when dad would come home from work we would go into the kitchen and I would sing the song word perfect, teaching me memory skills.  They had great fun teaching me BIG words, like encyclopedia and others. It just tickled them pink to hear me say and spell them back. It was fun I had lots of attention but then they were much older than me and soon as they became teenagers my cuteness was not as interesting as this new age they were coming in. and that is a right thing.

And then I was left on my own.

Jump to grade school did very well lots of S’s on my report card, then I have to switch schools, my new teacher did not like my big words and I was punished for things I knew or was interested in. (my interests were sinful) and wouldn’t you know going from 3rd to 4th grade she was once more my teacher.  I conformed and Grades started to decline.

Jump to high school new town. I did well in classes I was interested in and If I wasn’t well whatever to get thru. Going through different schools with different ways and I quickly learned that they really contradict each other so therefore couldn’t be that important to my life. And well yes I hardly have a need for quite a bit I learned in school. I then came face to face with the consular that made it clear that I could never be anything I was interested in because I was not very bright and I would never be able to learn and understand all those BIG words. Now I am sure that may have made some people get all indignant and set off in life to prove them wrong. But for me I saw no point in trying. Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t.

Fast forward in my work life and was told to not use such big words when talking with other employees and when phrasing emails I should write them in the form that a 4 year old could understand. One boss found it amazing that I could recite back WHOLE conversations that occurred in the past and that it just come natural for me. I try not too often because people get mad at me when their words are brought up. If people think they can lie to me and I will forget, they will be mistaken.
And to boot then had another boss that told me it was impossible to remember everything I claimed to know about my job without having it written down in detail, Really?? Just have to laugh.

You can never please the masses and you will only cause your own suffering for trying.

The old pleasing part of me still pops up and a rush to protect those I love that I see under attack to ‘save’ them from what I lived thru is still strong and comes out in waves.

All in all, It shows me things I need to work on and see what I really believe to be true. My rants to the world may seem like setbacks and see she is not what she claims to be. I do not claim to be perfect or ever to be perfect. But to me they are invaluable tools. I have learned that what it appears that I get angry with will lead me to the truth and really has nothing to do with the current situation.

Life is a mirror and things will keep coming up until I learn all the parts of the lesson. Like be myself whatever that is at the time for it has and will change as I grow as I get closer to my truth. It is a journey that is this life; this is why I am here.

People learn their lessons at different rates and all have lessons that do not apply to others. There is everything in the world, we only see what we need to use in our class sessions.

I still need to work on finding the source of my anger before jumping to someone’s rescue.

After all,

I don’t have to save the world, it is not in danger.

Thanks for listening and helping clarify.


Friday, June 1, 2012

'Why I ordered the Eggs'

Dictated by Papaw Fluffy Kitty written by Meow.

Over a year ago my wife and I were with our good friend. I was contemplating the question of why we believe or do anything in this existence.

We were discussing going to our grandson’s first birthday party.  There were disagreements about what was proper for someone to do or not do.  In this case I was asking why we needed to go to the birthday party and my wife and good friend were confused and a bit upset that I would even ask that kind of question.
So in trying to help them understand that I was not asking the question to figure out whether we should go or not, my interest was in why do we feel the need to go? That’s when our good friend said he could see us all sitting down to breakfast and me questioning why we ordered the eggs.

That made me think, in our society restaurants serve eggs usually 24 hours a day, but they label it as a breakfast item.  I can remember feeling kind of strange ordering what was considered breakfast for dinner. So I stopped and asked myself, why do I order eggs?  Some people order eggs strictly for breakfast because it is labeled as a breakfast food. Some people don’t care and order the breakfast food because they like them. I am sure that some people order the eggs for dinner just because it is labeled a breakfast food and want to be different.  I see that there are many reasons why people order the eggs.

 So going back to the question we were discussing using the eggs as a metaphor I could help them see that I am not trying to not go to the birthday party. I only want to know the real reason behind going.
Was it because of societal pressure? If we didn’t show up would the other grandparents or grandkids think less of us? Or, if we showed up would we somehow be showing up everyone else by the amount of effort we had to put forward like coming off of the road just for the birthday party. Was it simply to be there to help celebrate the milestone of the child? Who were we going for? The child was only 1; would he remember or even know that we were not there? Are we going for our daughter? I wanted to look honestly at every reason we had for going or not going to the birthday party. Making the decision to go or not for our own reasons and not for what society thought was proper.

And because of this discussion I can now use the metaphor for questioning why I ordered the eggs with every belief and behavior that I have in my life.

We went to the party for the love of our daughter and our grandson with a clearer understanding of who we are.

Why did you order the eggs?

Sunday, April 22, 2012


I think if you asked Mother Earth what SHE really wanted to honor her this day she would say for us to stop,  look at what we are doing, not just towards her but towards each other. She would want us to give love to each other to give respect to each other along with the plants, animals and the Earth itself.

Ask any Mother how it feels when her children are fighting. Ask any mother who has experienced one of her children killing a sibling or on trial for murder for anyone or on trial for anything or one who is hurting his/her self. Ask a mother whose child was killed in war or violence on the street, a mother of an child, abused and left unloved.  It is heart breaking.

The Earth is “Mother” to all of us, to all the people, trees, plants, animals and insects.

We need to stop and take a hard look what we are doing to each other. We are breaking our Mothers heart to the core. And she is showing signs of distress.

You can start right now. Look at the people around you, look at them as the loving souls they truly are and treat them with love and respect. Treat children with love and respect and teach them that they deserve love and respect especially from themselves.

Plant the seeds of Love and Respect everywhere you go every day to everyone and everything you come into contact with.

Start NOW

Spread the Love and watch Mother Earth Smile!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Individual Issues Reveal Global Problems in Bite Size Pieces.

The marijuana issue brings up why things must change. Why we cannot sustain things the way they are. It is a small part of a much broader global problem. Everyone fighting to keep what they have or their believed potential of what they have. There is no longer any wiggle room each group seeing something being taken away from them should anyone else get what they want. The greed, the need to keep others down in order to get what they need. The belief that there is not enough to go around. The belief if someone else gets what they want there will be less for me to have.  In this one article (link here: we can see why the economy is falling apart, why religion is falling apart. In every situation it is a lack of faith, the lack of love for each other; it is the dominance of fear. Let go of the fear.

Anything you feel the need to cling to is from fear. Whether it is the fear of the police to lose their funding, the fear of big pharma losing the profits of their drugs, the fear of the prisons and guards losing their living and even people who fear their religion is being taken away from them. Everything is just small images of the whole. The paradigm must shift for us all. Resistance to what ‘IS’, is pain.

Fear is the opposite of Faith.
Fear is the opposite of Love.

So really it all comes down to belief, faith. If you feel anger, frustration that is all coming from fear and fear is the opposite of faith. We must let go of the things we fear the things we cling to. Because really if you are clinging to something because you are afraid of losing it what are you really saying? That it is not really yours to begin with?

Take religion for instance. If you feel you are being attacked for your religious views and you feel anger and the need to cling to God so tightly are you really being faithful to God? Think about it, did God not tell you that you will always have what you need? That you will be taken care of? If so, why the need to cling? Let go of the fear, the need to cling, for if it is what you really need it will not leave you. It is a matter of faith, faith that God will protect you, faith that God will provide and never leave you. Didn’t he promise? Then why are you so afraid? Why do you cling if you believe and have faith?

Clinging is an act of fear. Fear is a lack of faith.

It is our lack of faith that there is plenty to go around. That everyone is important. That if you don’t have everything you think you should you are less. Materialism has run its course; we know that deep down it cannot provide happiness. It is not the goal. All people are equal. It is not the thought of others that keeps us down it is the thoughts we hold of ourselves that is the problem.

It goes for money, religion and even the race issue.

It is not whether you are being held down but the belief you are. The belief you are superior is just as false as one who feels inferior. The ones who feel they are superior and need to keep the others in their “place” are afraid of losing and so are the ones who believe themselves inferior.

I remember reading a post that a black woman shared about her tears of joy when Obama won, she went on to express her support of him, not for any good he has done but just because he is black. Some Blacks today hold on to the past, the past they themselves did not live thru. They are so entrenched in the past that they do not see the present. All the choices they have to become and do whatever they dream of.
The war on women, why are women living in the past? Discrimination they themselves did not fully experience, they too are living in the past. If you feel you are being victimized it is your beliefs that guide it. And your Fear shows your lack of faith in yourself.

It is the same for every group, race, religion, company and country.

Living in Fear, Fighting to keep something, I see as saying ‘please take this from me for I do not deserve it’.

Change your thoughts, your beliefs of yourself and others, and you will change your life, your world.

In the end, you will always get exactly what you believe you deserve.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Working thru the Darkness.

I remember even as a child that the dark was scary, but once the sun came out everything was OK. That is why we need to wake up. The scary things we leave them in the dark and try to bury them there, but in reality we are burying ourselves. We must break the seal on the coffin and bring our fears into the light. Then we can see they are not evil and we can change what we do not like into something better.

Left in the dark our fears multiply until they take us over creating actions that we would not consciously do. We must expose our demons. We created them we can change them. Do not shove them back in the dark because you know you have other fears and feel overwhelmed. Keep exposing them all to the light and you will see that you do grow stronger.

Wake up that is the only way to defeat the nightmare.

Are you so drenched in the nightmare that you think it is who you are? If you don't protect it you will lose you?

You are NOT the nightmare.

You are the light. You are the light. You ARE the light.

I have friends I have watched who started to wake up I could read the fear in their eyes. I know that fear I went thru it. I still do. I have packed the dark storage room very tight but I must push on. I have watch friends cower in fear some keep moving forward trip back and pick up and start again. I have watched some cower and absolutely freak out only to stick their heads in the sand trying to go back to sleep. And they tell me to stop the crazy talk but they know I am right they can never truly go back to dead sleep and they are terrified. They think if they stop looking it will all go away. But it doesn't and they know it, but they pretend their OK, try their best to look normal. But I see thru it I see their pain. I feel their pain. I will not cower. I will bring my fears into the light until they are all out in the open.

I have heard some say that I belly flop back and forth and that I appear wishy washy. People are confused by that and think oh she really doesn't have it all together see she is freaking out about something again she is not the calm loving person she tried to make us believe.

But they do not understand how much we hide in the Shadow how much we need to bring back out into the light. If you watch me carefully you will see how it works. I bring out a fear. I bring it into the light so I can examine it, see what is really there. See what must be changed. What must be accepted. Look for lessons to be learned from it.

I take a fear and create an accomplishment.

I grow stronger. I grow brighter. I become better equipped to deal with the next fear I drag from the box. Some are harder then others. But each thing I bring up makes me stronger. So pity me not when you see me seeming to wonder off the deep end. I am growing. I am learning. I am learning love for myself and all those who are here in this experience with me. I am learning who I am and why I am here. And aren't those the questions everyone has?

You hear someone say 'oh, so and so is off to find themselves'. But are they looking outside themselves for the answer? It can only be found inside themselves. It truly is a vision quest and I must delve into the darkness to retrieve me so that I can live in the light.

Sometimes I pull out a fear and find other fears attached to it, like a long strand of beads. Upon examination I realize they have little to do with each other but they are attached to similar experiences. This can explain the confusion that surrounded the fears making it harder to process together as one, but laid out where each one is exposed, in the light, they can be seen and release the binds that hold them together.

I have learned that hoarding those fears make us physically ill. I have watched my health rise as fears are neutralized. I grow not only spiritually stronger but physically stronger as well. And I see our choices of death we pick are in harmony with how we lived. How we pick by how we believe. Life and death are complementary indeed.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

There is only Love

There is only Love. So sing it out loud with your arms open wide.
Think it. Say it. Write it. Put it in your blog.
Write it as your face book status. E-mail it to friends.
Spread the Love far and wide. Let’s get the whole world singing it OUT LOUD!
Don’t just sing it, think it, say it, write it, but really FEEL it, really MEAN it, really LIVE it! And Smile!

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

Sing it while you’re getting dressed. Think it while you’re brushing your teeth. Sing it on the way to work.
Write it instead of doodling. Make it your signature on emails.
Say it as a greeting/salutation. Sing it when you’re waiting in line.
Sing it to your children. Teach it to your children. .
Write it in different languages. Spread it throughout the World.

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love

There is only Love
There is only Love


Friday, February 24, 2012

I Belong

Kitty was feeling in a low mood one day and went out for a walk in the garden and stopped to admire a daisy. “I wish I was a daisy” Sighed Kitty.

“Now why would you want to be me?” said Daisy

“You are so beautiful and have lovey white petals and a pretty yellow center of sunshine.” replied Kitty.

“You are all of those things too,” said Daisy, “look at your beautiful white fur as your petals and you have pretty rays of sunshine striped thru your fur.”

“Wow that is true, I never thought of me like that. Thank you!”

“Anytime” said Daisy.

Kitty played pounce with a couple of grasshoppers but they always got away. “I wish I was a grasshopper.” Sighed Kitty

“Now why would you want to be me?” said Grasshopper

“You are so light on your feet and are so fast” said Kitty.

“You are all of those things too,” said Grasshopper, “just look how light on your feet you are that you can jump so high and climb trees quickly when Dog chases you.”

“Wow that is true, I never thought of me like that. Thank you!”

“Anytime” said Grasshopper.

Kitty padded her way under the fence into the pasture and watched Dog herd sheep. “I wish I was a dog.” Sighed Kitty

“Now why would you want to be me?” said Dog

“You make the people so happy and are so skillful.” said Kitty

“You are all of those things too,” said Dog, “you bring them pleasure to pet your fur and you keep the mice out of the barn and the house.”

“Wow that is true, I never thought of me like that. Thank you!”

“Anytime” said Dog

Kitty wondered over and sat underneath an oak tree. And heard singing, she looked up and saw Robin.
“I wish I was a robin.” Sighed Kitty

“Now why would you want to be me?” said Robin

“You sing so lovely and bring a feeling of calm to those who hear.” Said kitty

“You are all of those things too,” said Robin. “You sit on peoples lap and purr so lovely it is soothing and brings a feeling of calm.”

“Wow that is true, I never thought of me like that. Thank you!”

“Anytime” said Robin.

Kitty went back to the house and climbed up the porch steps and jumped onto the swing cushion. She began to groom her fur. She thought of everyone she talked to today, they were so beautiful, talented and useful. And she realized that everyone is beautiful, talented and useful. No one is any less or better than any other, and no one’s job is any less or better than any other. She felt so connected with everyone and everything. ‘We all do things in our own ways, but we are all apart of everything. ’Thought Kitty, ‘We all belong, I belong. I wish only to be me. It is good to be a kitty.’

Monday, February 20, 2012

Pretty Kitty Song

I wrote a little Kitty Song while playing with my Fairy Princesses and the new Meowephone one evening. Just playing around with words and come up with this the elder princess was Especially good at singing it!!!

To the tune of "La Cucaracha" with slight variations.
Enjoy, Meow!

I had a kitty
He was so pretty
He ate everything in my room
I had a kitty
He was so pretty
He even drank all my perfume

I had a kitty
He was so pretty
It was a half past noon
He was so funny
Til he ate my bunny
Then I had to leave the room

I had a kitty
He was so pretty
Sometimes not so appealing
The day was foggy
When he ate my doggy
That’s when daddy hit the ceiling

I had a kitty
He was so pretty
He ate everything in my room
I had a kitty
He was so pretty
He even drank all my perfume